


Night on Skaro

by StrangeBrooch



Series: The Key to Timing - Five Almosts & One Kiss [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Almost Kiss, M/M, Making Up, Missing Scene, Post-argument, Serial: s036 Evil of the Daleks, as a treat, but it's more self indulgent and cathartic to make them talk isn't it?, i don't hate how quickly they went back to normal in the ep, more angst averted than actual angst, so this is that, that's what this series is gonna be if you're curious, with a dash of pre-relationship pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28283913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangeBrooch/pseuds/StrangeBrooch
Summary: The Doctor knows that a dalek cell is not the ideal place to be preoccupied with the aftermath of his argument with Jamie, and yet neither of them can sleep.Missing Scene fic set during Evil of the Daleks, Jamie and the Doctor get a chance to talk about their fight.
Relationships: Second Doctor & Jamie McCrimmon, Second Doctor/Jamie McCrimmon
Series: The Key to Timing - Five Almosts & One Kiss [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2076693
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16





	Night on Skaro

The Doctor squinted down at his diary as he sat back against a bend in the wall near the door to their cell. Nights on Skaro were dark, both within the dalek city and out on the planet’s surface, and most of the party of prisoners had gathered at the far end of the room, where the ledge that ran around its perimeter was deep enough to act as a bunk for the night. Only the Doctor sat apart, hoping some light from the window out in the corridor might make it through the bars and onto the pages of his diary. He had it open to the notes he’d taken on his other encounters with the daleks, searching for some small detail he could spin into a plan. At least, he had planned on making a plan, but his thoughts were elsewhere.

They weren’t terribly far away, just a few yards behind him where Waterfield, Victoria, and Kemel had been asleep for some time now. At first, the Doctor had believed Jamie was too, no doubt exhausted from the ordeal he’d had, but now in the silence of the night the Doctor got the distinct impression that he wasn’t resting easy at all, but hesitating, anticipating something. The Doctor had his back to the others, but every so often he could hear Jamie open his mouth and then close it again, as if about to speak before deciding against it, and it would’ve been distracting, if the Doctor hadn’t already been unable to think of anything else.

By now, he was acutely aware of what he’d done to Jamie – tricked him, betrayed his trust, broken any kind of faith he might ever have inspired in him – and while it was nothing he hadn’t done before, to other friends and companions, some of which had even forgiven him, nothing quite like this had happened since he’d settled into this regeneration, and he didn’t think he was handling it very well. They needed to talk, as much for his own sake as for Jamie’s, and that thought alarmed him almost as much as the fact that he still didn’t know what to say.

He had begun to think of this version of himself as rather more personable and outwardly warm than his last self, born and raised on Gallifrey and already a few centuries on before he’d worked up the nerve to leave. Initially he had considered that a good thing – if he was going to spend his life traveling the universe with human companions he could afford to be a little closer with them, understand them better – and yet, nothing had prepared him to hear Jamie’s outrage vented at him like that. He had obviously hurt Jamie more than he would’ve thought possible, and Jamie hadn’t hesitated to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he never wanted anything to do with him again.

So far, nothing had been able to distract the Doctor from replaying Jamie’s words in his head every few minutes – not the danger they were in now or even Jamie’s apparent calm. In fact, Jamie’s behavior had been positively cooperative ever since their argument was interrupted back at Maxtible’s house, and far from easing the Doctor’s fears, this only added to them. He was well aware of how practical and efficient Jamie could be in a tight spot – and by escaping to Skaro they had really only gone out of the frying pan and into the fire. It was entirely possible, then, that the functional relationship that existed between the two of them at the moment was one that Jamie saw only as stark necessity, and that thought was perhaps the most worrying of all. They hadn’t had a chance to speak properly - and even if they had the Doctor wouldn’t have known what to say that might earn Jamie’s forgiveness - and yet here he was, listening to the Doctor’s instructions at every turn, letting him talk him down from a fight with Maxtible, and not even objecting to the irony of the situation when the Doctor tried to explain to the human-influenced daleks that a friend meant someone you liked and shared things with, mere moments after Jamie had confronted him. It made sense, under the circumstances, that Jamie might have just given up on him entirely, that he had managed to cool his heels because he was content to work together until they stopped the daleks, provided he never had to see the Doctor again after that – but if that were true, the Doctor didn’t think he could bear it.

There was a time, not long ago, when he would’ve brushed it off either way, when he’d have seen a companion’s sudden acceptance as either forgiveness, plain and simple, or at least a concession to reason once their indignation subsided. He was doing his best to disguise it, to focus on the task at hand, but the fact that he kept finding time to wonder about Jamie’s behavior at all when he should be totally focused on outsmarting the daleks was itself proof of how heavily it was weighing on him - and just why _did_ it weigh quite so heavy in the first place? Whatever his motives, Jamie was at least able to do the right thing for everyone’s safety, and here he was, useless in the face of a threat to the entire human race, all because one human was angry with him. What had become of him?

Of course, what little logic he still possessed reminded him that he’d never get the chance to work out his own problems _or_ win Jamie back if they couldn’t find a way to escape the daleks first; they were still in quite a considerable amount of danger, and this was hardly the time to be wrestling with difficult emotions.

So, naturally, Jamie was doing just that.

The Doctor hunched over, pretending to focus on his diary when he heard Jamie stand up and cross the cell in silence. He must have been watching the Doctor for some time by now, human eyes would take longer to adjust to the darkness and yet he made his way over to the place where the Doctor was seated without disturbing any of the others. He seemed almost to reach him sooner than he would’ve liked, and stood there hovering over his left shoulder for a moment before he settled cross-legged on the ground beside him. They sat in silence for a moment longer, the Doctor trying to think of something intelligent to say as he continued to feign reading, when Jamie spoke first.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sighing as if the two words had winded him completely.

The Doctor blinked at him, not certain he’d heard him correctly. He set his book aside. “You have nothing to be sorry for, I don’t even know where to begin apologizing for getting us into this mess.”

Jamie only shrugged. “I don’t see how you could’ve avoided it. Seems to me they put an awful lot of work into trapping us like this.”

“Well that’s certainly true, but it wasn’t really what I—"

“Me neither,” Jamie admitted, leaning back against the wall and drawing his left knee up to his chest. He stretched his right leg out in front of him, temptingly indifferent to how this put him well within the Doctor’s personal space. “I mean, I’m sorry for what I said back at the house. It was wrong of me, and I didn’t mean it.”

“You weren’t—" he began, but Jamie had barely paused for breath. He continued as if he couldn’t hear him, and the Doctor realized that Jamie had already decided exactly what he wanted to say, and was just pushing himself to go ahead with it now.

“These daleks are every bit as bad as you told me, so I don’t blame myself for being upset, but I do blame myself for thinking you could be working for them. I don’t like being lied to, nobody does, but I should’ve figured out something else was going on, that you wouldn’t just cut me out for no reason. I should’ve trusted you, I mean, I thought I knew you and then I—” he cut himself off, sounding surprisingly distressed all of a sudden, and the Doctor wanted so badly to reach out to him, but he daren’t. _Don’t touch me_ , Jamie had said, the last time he’d tried to. Sure, they’d touched since, but bumping together while crawling through vents and clutching at each other to prevent someone from falling off a cliff hardly meant that the Doctor had earned that privilege back.

“Jamie, I—"

But Jamie collected himself and plowed on again. “I think that’s why I skipped over thinking straight and went right to bein’ so angry. I’d been telling myself all day since Ben and Polly left that it was alright, that we were a team and we’d split up and that was sad and I’d miss them – but it’d be alright because we were all with who we were supposed to be with. I told Polly I’d look after you, and even when the Tardis went missing, I thought, okay, we can deal with this, we might be alone and lost in 1966 but it’s me and you and we’ll be alright if we’ve got each other.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie, I’m so, s—"

“So I think it hit me harder than it would’ve, normally. Because I started going back and second guessing what I’d just decided the rest of my life’d be like, and it hurt to think I maybe didn’t know you like I thought I did, but that wasn’t fair, and more than that, it was stupid. Like I wasn’t thinking at all. I know your plans don’t always make sense to me right at the very beginning but I also know you’re always trying to do the right thing, so even if I couldn’t stop myself being worried or upset, I should’ve still trusted you. I never should’ve gotten so suspicious and angry with ye, I know if I hadn’t, none of this would’ve happened.” He clasped his hands over his left knee, his face turned just too far in that direction for the Doctor to get much of a read.

“Jamie, this is ridiculous,” the Doctor knew he sounded sterner than he had any right to, but he couldn’t stop staring at him in confused amazement, “I cannot have you blaming yourself for what I did to you. This is my fault, I shouldn’t have gotten distracted with the daleks’ plan or my hope to undermine them, I should’ve prioritized coming up with another way—"

In the low light the Doctor could see Jamie shaking his head, clam but decisive, telling him he was missing the point. “You’re talking about the danger and the experiments.”

“You- aren’t?”

“Not really. I know you didn’t have a choice about listening to the daleks. Even if they hadn’t taken the Tardis, they had Victoria. We couldn’t’ve left her without help, Doctor, not against the daleks.” He shook his head again, but he was still staring at the floor in front of him. Was it just too dark to be worth trying to face the Doctor, or did he not want to?

“No, no we couldn’t, you’re quite right,” he conceded, leaning back against the wall with a nod of agreement, and to his surprise, Jamie snapped up to face him at that, staring at him for a moment with wide and almost hopeful eyes before nodding shakily to himself.

“See? I should’ve realized something else was goin’ on when you told me not to go after her,” he turned away again. “You’d think after the Macra and the Chameleons I’d’ve gotten better at knowin’ when someone’s not acting like themself. You’d never’ve told me we couldn’t try to save her.”

“But we don’t always manage to save everyone, you know that.” The Doctor heard himself replying before he could think better of it. He didn’t really want to point out more reasons for Jamie to think less of him, but it was too hard to listen to Jamie beating himself up about not knowing better when he had been purposely misleading, let alone apologizing when everything that had happened had been his own fault, and the resulting guilt seemed to force him to tell the truth.

“No, but you saved me,” Jamie admitted, quietly, still not facing him. “And that wasn’t even against the daleks, that was just the English. My own problem, you could’ve called it, and walked away. But you didn’t, because that’s not what you do. That’s why I . . .” he shook his head, not seeming at a loss for words so much as deciding not to say any more on the subject.

“Jamie, I think it’s fair to say that meeting you was one of my better days, for a number of reasons. It might be that I don’t deserve it if you’re always expecting me to be quite so successful.”

“I know you make mistakes, I know you’re – well, not human, but you know what I mean.” That hung between them for a moment too long, and the Doctor found yet another thing to feel guilty for not having shared with Jamie. “But I’m not the only one you’ve saved, I know that too. All these places we go, all the people – I know sometimes things go wrong but the point is, even when we mess up, and even when it’s none of our business to get involved with in the first place, you pick the right side. You choose to help people, whether you’re prepared to or not. So I should’ve realized you had to have some kind of a plan. I got too angry, too quick. I should’ve known better, should’ve trusted that I knew _you_ better. I know how much we’ve been through, I don’t want you to think none of it means anything to me.”

“I never got that impression,” the Doctor reassured him, just barely stopping himself from reaching over to place a hand on Jamie’s knee, the one that was so close anyway. He kept his hands to his himself and tried again to take responsibility. “On the contrary, I see how it probably only made things worse, feeling that you were being betrayed by someone close to you.”

“Aye,” Jamie drew his other knee up to his chest and rested his arms over them both, one wrist crossed over the other. “Closest there is, really. So I’m sorry for that. I don’t know why I couldn’t understand that no matter what you were doing, there had to be a good reason for it.”

“It’s because there isn’t one,” the Doctor blurted. It was all too much for him. It was bad enough he hadn’t had the courage to speak first, to try and fix the chasm between them he’d created with his own carelessness, he couldn’t sit through another minute of hearing Jamie try and blame himself. Silently, he berated himself. _Of course_ it would be Jamie who acted first – practical, brave Jamie who wore his heart on his sleeve, had come up with a way to take responsibility for what had happened, so they could both get past it right now without any further trouble. But the Doctor couldn’t accept this escape route, however mercifully it was offered. “How I treated you was wrong, you had every right to be upset with me, and you were right to call me callous. I didn’t deserve any better after what I let happen to you – what I helped engineer, in fact. I said I don’t believe the end justifies the means, but you were right, saying that’s not worth very much if I go on to behave the way I have. It was wrong of me.”

“So then why did ye do it?” Jamie asked suddenly, almost pleadingly, and the Doctor understood instantly that this was both what he’d been working up to and hoping to avoid.

All the certainty seemed to have dropped out of him, but he met and held the Doctor’s gaze for the longest he had since they’d arrived on Skaro. Even in the darkness he could see Jamie’s eyes, wide and round and sparkling a little - not wet but unless the alien moon was playing tricks on them, more than a little glassy. For all his talk about this being his fault, it was clear that Jamie still hadn’t been able to convince himself completely, and yet he didn’t look angry, not really. Instead, the Doctor could see only that he was still hurt, still hurt and not proud of it. Still hurt and looking for an explanation.

He really hadn’t wanted to do this here – he _wanted_ to figure out a way to save them all and then in the privacy and safety of their own home inside the Tardis say whatever needed to be said, ideally with a little time and space distancing them from everything that had happened. He realized then that however much he thought he’d changed lately, what he really wanted to do was the same thing he always did – he wanted to run from it, for as long as he could, and hope things would be miraculously better by the time he came face to face with what he was afraid of.

But Jamie deserved better than that. The Doctor sighed. “I don’t know. I suppose the simple answer is I wasn’t thinking. I was too focused on what they were asking me to do and how I might be able to use it against them. I wanted the quickest, simplest resolution to every other variable, including your safety, and they demanded that I tell you nothing and send you off to rescue Miss Waterfield, so that was what I did. I should’ve thought more about the danger I was putting you in.”

Jamie shook his head again. “I’m telling you, I don’t mind the experiment. What really bothered me was us fighting.” ~~~~

“For which I take full responsibility.”

“Aye, but can ye, really? I overheard you telling Waterfield I’d do whatever I was told and I just jumped to thinking the worst, I didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself.”

“I wasn’t _going_ _to_ explain myself. I wasn’t even supposed to tell you there were daleks in the house, they were rather upset about that. By the time we argued, I was already determined not to risk going against their demands again.”

“But that still didn’t mean we had to fight,” Jamie insisted, so adamant that the Doctor had to nod in agreement. It was that or place a hand on his shoulder. He restrained himself again.

“No, we didn’t, and that’s why I’m sorry. True, the daleks were demanding things all over the place, they were responsible for me lying to you and exposing you to all that danger to begin with, but they aren’t responsible for me choosing to manipulate you like that. The fact of the matter is, you might have already been upset by the time I came to talk to you about rescuing Victoria, but I can’t say I did anything to calm you down.”

“But you just said you couldn’t explain. You weren’t allowed to.”

“Not explain, no, but I still could have been kinder. Instead, I took advantage of your mood as an opportunity to manipulate you into doing what I needed for the experiment. Your starting off angry was singularly useful for the rather scientifically detached reason that it was the most direct way of getting the required result in your behavior. And failing to think of how that would look from your perspective, how cold that would feel or how much it might hurt – that in itself was an inexcusable level of callousness on my part.”

Jamie digested this for a moment, testing it and presumably finding the truth in it fit the hurt he was struggling to admit he still felt. Eventually he nodded, but the Doctor wasn’t sure if it was meant for him or not. “I know you couldn’t tell me about the experiment, but you do know I still would’ve gone, right? Don’t tell me you didn’t know that.”

The Doctor wasn’t sure what he was getting at. “I didn’t know what the experiment was yet, when you heard me promise Waterfield that you would do whatever you were asked, all I knew was that the daleks were demanding you take part in some kind of test. I only said what I did because I didn’t want them to think of you as an obstacle, or worse, a threat. It wasn’t because I was under the impression I could control you or—”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way, Doctor. I’m not sayin’ I’d’ve gone along with just _anything_ the daleks wanted, but saving Victoria – I would’ve wanted to help her whether or not I knew it was a test. Tell me you know that about me, Doctor.” He faced him again, still looking somewhat desperate, but his gaze was steady.

“Yes,” the Doctor nodded, “I know that. I know how willing you are to help people, Jamie. I suppose I was just trying to make sure, and to hurry you along because the daleks weren’t keen to wait around. It wasn’t as if I could’ve just told you to go and get a move on with it.”

“Why not? Even if you couldn’t tell me everything, you could’ve agreed with me and said I ought to try and help her.”

“Would you really have listened?” the Doctor asked, raising an eyebrow. “Without a full explanation and as upset as you were with me at the time? Particularly given that the reason you became upset in the first place was because you overheard me promising your absolute cooperation?”

“I think so. . .” Jamie tried, but he didn’t sound so sure. He threw his hands up, frustrated after a moment. “Oh, I don’t know. I _was_ upset, but at least that would sound like what I wanted to hear you saying, at least that would’ve made me feel like you were still actin’ like yourself.”

“Unless it looked like another trick,” the Doctor pointed out.

“But you _didn’t_ trick me into going, did you? I meant it, I would’ve gone anyway. All you did was trick me into thinking you didn’t care. How’d we both get each other so wrong, Doctor? I thought—”

“I didn’t get you wrong, Jamie, if it makes you feel any better, but I certainly treated you wrong. I never doubted that you’d want to help Victoria. Honestly, you say I always pick the right side, but really, it’s you who’s willing to run into danger without a second thought when you see someone in need of help. That’s part of what’s so terrible about how I behaved. I _did_ know that you’d want to go no matter what I told you, so in reality, all I actually achieved by trying to manipulate you was making sure you’d accept going alone.”

“Eh?” Jamie did a sort of double take, perhaps genuinely lost for the first time.

“I’m trying to say it wasn’t worth it. I couldn’t think of another way to get you to go it alone, but that’s where I failed you - by not making more of an effort, for your sake.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Jamie admitted, his brow furrowed.

“Well, I had to track your progress, didn’t I?” The Doctor wasn’t entirely sure what Jamie was confused about, but there was a frankness to it that he realized he had been aching to hear for far too long now. No careful speech or hurt confession - just Jamie, asking the Doctor to explain himself. He couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit relieved to hear such a familiar tone in his voice. “I watched your every movement on the daleks’ surveillance equipment, and it was my job to calculate those readings into the formula to create the human factor. You were of course brilliant, as always,” he couldn’t help but add.

“Aye, I know that.” The Doctor smiled, and Jamie very nearly returned it. “No, not _that_. I mean I know what you were doing. But I don’t see what that’s got to do with us fighting.”

“Well, I - I couldn’t go with you,” he explained, hands fluttering uselessly about since he’d banned them from touching Jamie. “And you were already rightfully suspicious. Wouldn’t you have found it odd if I said yes, very good, go and risk your life and save Victoria, I know I said the house is full of daleks so it must be dangerous, but no I’m not coming with you?”

Jamie shrugged with a casualness the Doctor could not comprehend. “You could’ve said you were suspicious too, and you had to keep an eye on distracting Maxtible and Waterfield while I went to save Victoria.”

“I-– oh.” His hands stilled, and dropped into his lap. He knew Jamie was smart, but this was ridiculous, embarrassing, downright shameful. Had there really been such an easy out and he’d overlooked it? Made such a stupid mistake and in turn, caused them both so much grief?

Jamie was staring at him, attentive but not harsh. Not yet, anyway. “You didn’t even think of that did you?” he asked a second later, realizing.

“Well, no,” there was no use lying about it, however disappointed it would make Jamie in him. If he were even still capable of letting him down. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t.”

“Huh,” was all Jamie said for a moment, still studying him. The Doctor had to look away, he didn’t have the courage to hold his gaze. He saw movement in the corner of his eye and worried for a moment that this was it, Jamie had found the root of his problems with the Doctor and was done talking to him, ready to leave this all behind him. He didn’t realize it had only been a shrug until Jamie spoke again. “Aye, well, maybe that’s better.”

“Better?” the Doctor echoed, shocked out of his cowardice. He turned to Jamie, perplexed. “It’s _better_ that I did something cold and manipulative instead of something as common sense as what you just suggested?”

“Better that the reason you did was because you hadn’t thought of the other idea,” Jamie said, still alarmingly calm. “That’s better than choosing the manipulative thing over the kind one.”

“Well, I . . . I suppose, if you’re being very generous.”

“If I’d been generous we’d never have argued. But hey, I guess that’s something I can do, eh? Something you need to keep me around for – so I can think of stuff like that for ye and stop you from accidentally doing the rude thing.” He was joking, the Doctor realized, stunned, actually _joking_ about what he had done to him. It was too much to keep straight in his mind.

“I need to keep you around for a good deal more than that,” was all he could come up with to say, because that at least was true.

“Oh, do ye?” Jamie smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, I mean I-– not that I – Jamie,” he took a breath. He may not understand what was going on but that didn’t matter so much. It was much more vital that he be as honest as he possibly could and avoid hurting Jamie again, while he worked on catching up. “I don’t ever want to try and control your choices again. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to persuade you of doing what I want, but, well, I also want to be honest with you, and to apologize—"

“You’ve done that,” Jamie pointed out.

“-- _and_ to let you know how very much I honestly regret what’s happened between us—” the Doctor pushed on, but Jamie had a funny look on now. Literally. As if something were funny.

“Oh, aye?” He’d been getting closer over the last few moments, almost invading the Doctor’s personal space. In another setting the Doctor would call this flirting. Maybe even in _this_ setting, if he’d been only an observer, but being himself in this situation, it just didn’t make any sense. At any rate, he was too flustered to respond to that.

“You- you do want me to tell you the truth, don’t you?”

“Aye, always,” Jamie nodded, somehow managing to come off serious and sincere while still gazing at him with that strange glint in his eye and oh no, that was worse, being heartfelt all of a sudden.

“Then, truthfully, Jamie, I do need you greatly.”

Jamie smiled fully for the first time, and it was exactly like staring at the sun. Not just warm but disarming and difficult to look at directly. “You know, that’s not half something to hear, Doctor—” The Doctor couldn’t take this; he raced through to the end of his point before he lost all his nerve.

“And I can’t tell you how strongly I hope you’ll decide not to leave me.”

Jamie’s face faltered and fell. “I-- _what?_ ” He pulled back, not in outrage but in shock, as if getting a view of more than just the Doctor’s face might clue him in to what he was on about.

“I don’t want to try and convince you - unless you want me to, of course—”

“I don’t want you to convince me, I want you to explain yourself!” he all but shouted.

“Jamie, the others are sleeping—”

“Aye, and you’re raving.”

The Doctor sighed. “Back at the house, you said that we were finished, that I was just too callous for you.” He wasn’t surprised to hear he had it word-perfect, but Jamie looked horrified.

He shook his head. “Aye I know what I said, but then just now I said I didn’t mean what I said, did you not hear me?”

The Doctor heard what Jamie was saying and saw how he was acting, but he couldn’t make it make sense. “You, you don’t?”

“No, of course I don’t, what’d you think I was talking about, saying I didn’t mean it if you didn’t know I was talking about all _that?_ ” Jamie had turned to face him entirely, his legs bent out under him and his knees very nearly bumping the Doctor’s.

“I – I don’t know,” the Doctor admitted, thinking back to how Jamie had been brave enough to start this conversation and not able to focus on too much more than that just now. “I really didn’t understand how you could have anything to apologize for so I—” Jamie had taken hold of the Doctor’s hands in both of his own, and he found he could no longer speak.

“Now look,” Jamie began, before stopping himself when he noticed how affected the Doctor was by his touch. “I mean, it’s alright that I’m--?” he glanced down and made to let go.

“Oh, no - I mean, yes, please,” the Doctor managed to marshal just enough control over himself to return Jamie’s hold on his hands instead of sitting there frozen. He risked a slight squeeze, more on impulse than anything else.

“Only, you haven’t—” the Doctor watched as Jamie only just put it all together, “You haven’t touched me since before. Since back at the house, when I yelled at you, oh, Doctor, you must’ve noticed I didn’t mean that either.”

“You said—” but this time Jamie wouldn’t even let him repeat it.

“I know. I regret it, alright? Do you understand that now? I wish I’d never said any of it, I was being hotheaded and stupid because I was afraid I was losing you somehow. _That’s_ what frightened me so much I couldn’t think straight enough to notice any of the important stuff.”

“Oh.” It was all he could say for a moment.

“Aye,” Jamie urged, rubbing circles on the back of his hands. The Doctor cleared his throat.

“For what it’s worth, I’m, ah, I'm glad you said what you did.”

“You are?” Jamie looked skeptical, but he hadn’t let go yet, which was nice.

“I am. Even if you had been overly patient with me and forgiving, I still would’ve been wrong to treat you like that, and I did so without even thinking about how much it might hurt you. But I can promise you now, I won’t ever be able to do that again.”

“You can?” Jamie asked, not sounding upset but just a little doubtful. At least this time the Doctor caught his meaning.

“I can’t promise I’ll always be able to tell you the whole truth in every situation, no. Sometimes I may need to rely on secrecy, or there may simply not be time. But I can promise I will try my absolute hardest to do right by you, to make sure that I never take advantage of you like that again.”

Jamie nodded, seeming impossibly content with this arrangement. “We’re a right pair aren’t we?”

“I suppose so,” the Doctor agreed. Jamie was still holding one of his hands, but he hadn’t minded letting the other one go, their fingers were more firmly intertwined this way. He couldn’t quite stop himself from checking just once more, though. “You’re really alright with staying with me?”

“I could ne’er be happy without you, Doctor.”

“Jamie,” the Doctor said breathlessly, smiling for the first time but still unable to believe his luck. “I don’t deserve someone like you. I don’t deserve you at all, but your forgiveness—"

“Hush ye,” he whispered, moving his free hand to the side of the Doctor’s face and sweeping a thumb over his cheekbone. The Doctor came over very still under the intensity of Jamie’s gaze, suddenly so close to his own. “You _are_ forgiven, like it or not. I started this worried that I couldn’t trust you, and I’m endin’ it knowin’ that I can. Maybe it’s better that this happened than if it didn’t, I don’t know, that’s your idea. But we’re alright now, aren’t we?”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“I promise you, I am. I’m also not goin’ to lie to you either, Doctor, even if you didn’t ask me to promise you that.”

“Evidently I don’t have to.”

“Aye, well, I’m no good hidin’ what I think. Makes sense you canna always tell me everything, if I’m such an open book.”

“I don't know about that, Jamie. You constantly find ways to surprise me.”

“That’s alright. Just as long as we know each other, eh? As long as was stay on the same page from here on.”

Jamie still had not removed his hand from the Doctor’s face, but that was no problem, it felt so natural there anyway. Just as suddenly as he’d become flustered at Jamie’s acceptance, the Doctor now found himself pleasantly calm, trusting in every word that was said and understanding that whatever they had done, however bad it had been, they could truly get past it. Oh, it might have an effect on how they went forward – it better had, all the trouble it’d been – but that was a good thing.

Another good thing was the way Jamie was staring at him now in the dark, so near and so open and trusting and the relief at finding his hand in his own was itself enough to make the Doctor want to close the distance between them completely and settle a kiss on Jamie’s lovely lips. Just a small peck, a reminder more than anything, of how very much he meant.

But no, that wouldn’t do. Not now. Not because it didn’t make sense – it made so much sense, he found it hard to believe it would never happen, even harder to believe Jamie wasn’t angling for it now. And the Doctor realized, suddenly, that _that_ was what was different this time, not just his regeneration, and not just Jamie’s attempts at chivalrous burden-bearing – but Jamie _and_ him, together, their relationship, worked a little differently than what he'd gotten used to with his other human companions. Something about it went a little deeper, almost too deep into parts of himself he thought he'd given up on sharing with people for good, and that was why it could hurt more, too. He felt quite certain now, staring into Jamie’s eyes, wanting to touch, to comfort, to make up for the hours of avoiding it and hand himself over to Jamie entirely, that one day they would indeed give in to that idea. But not tonight.

It had been hard enough for him to find the right words to apologize, harder still to believe that he’d done Jamie any sort of justice, he couldn’t spoil it now with even the slightest hint of an ulterior motive, even if he’d only really become properly aware of it after the fact. Their first kiss – and already, in his head, it was destined to be the first of many – would take place under much better circumstances than this, he was certain.

He thrust himself forward, wrapping his arms around Jamie instead, and Jamie leaned into the embrace gladly, seeming to understand. He buried his face in his neck for one moment longer, thanking the stars that he should even be allowed to have met this man, before pulling back and straightening himself up. Jamie did the same, stifling a yawn.

“You really ought to get some rest, you know. We aren’t out of this yet.”

“Don’t you need to rest, too? You did say you didn’t get any sleep either, last night.” The Doctor almost couldn’t believe that a remark Jamie had been so angry to hear this morning was now something he was using to fuss over him, but again, that was Jamie.

“Rest won’t do me many favors if I can’t think of a plan. And besides, I don’t need quite as much as you anyway.”

“Oh aye, I suppose that’s part of the human factor too, eh?”

The Doctor laughed quietly. “You might say that.” Jamie looked him over, slightly bashful. “What is it?”

“Would you mind if I stayed here with you, even if you’re not sleeping yourself? Or would I just be in the way?”

“Not at all in the way,” the Doctor beamed, and as Jamie settled himself into a position he could fall asleep in, the Doctor shrugged out of one sleeve of his jacket, draping the other half over Jamie.

Jamie smiled at him, yawning again, and mumbled a small, “Thanks,” before almost immediately losing consciousness. The Doctor didn’t blame him, it had been an exhausting day in every sense of the word – he must have been struggling against sleep all that time they were sitting in silence in the dark earlier. If the Doctor had needed any more evidence that a weight had truly been lifted off of Jamie’s mind, it was in the soundly sleeping highlander beside him, but he didn’t need to see this, he trusted everything that Jamie had said. Still, it was nice to watch.

Sighing, he eventually tore his eyes away from Jamie, reaching absently for his diary where he had dropped it on the floor when Jamie first came over. It was just out of reach now, at least, he couldn’t get to it without leaning further forward than he could do without disturbing Jamie. Ah well, that was alright. They were his own notes, after all, it wasn't as if he could really get any new information out of them. With a bit of concentration he’d be able to recall most of what he’d written, now that he wasn’t so distracted. He leaned back against the wall and sat in silent contemplation until he heard a barely muffled footfall from the corridor outside. It would have to be Maxtible, the only other human on the planet, let alone inside the dalek city. He closed his eyes and feigned sleep, listening intently. Perhaps he was about to learn something new after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I can even use the word "editing" for how many times I've rewritten this one, and I suppose it's kind of an inevitable scene to want to write, but I also found it to be a little more complicated than most fix-its, because they really did seem to be getting along pretty well between the fight and this scene, and I didn't want to erase that in the name of angst.
> 
> Obviously I wish the episode itself had given us just a little more character time with Two and Jamie, or at least some kind of a formal acknowledgement that they were cool again, but the more I worked on this, the more I had to admit how much I appreciated just how smoothly and sincerely they went back to being a team, even when they both must've still been a little stung. Maybe part of that was just the serial rushing to wrap up plot lines (or the recons?), but I feel like that kind of instinctual inclination to trust and rely on one another says a lot about their characters, so as much as I wanted to write them being honest and emotional, I didn't want to downplay the significance of how frankly un-angsty they were after they fought . . . I hope I found a balance?
> 
> Idk, but if you ever wanna drop in and rant about Evil with me, I'm over on tumblr at galacticlamps


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